Reflections and Frustrations

It's the eighth week of the term. The stress is beginning to build. My worksample is due in two weeks. I have so much to do. Class today totally started stressing me out. I also started to think about my program and how it has affected me. I question whither I am taking enough from it. Have I done enough? Am I taking in the right things? Have I worked hard enough to understand the material? Do I feel prepared to be in the classroom on my own and the one in charge? Am I contributing enough in my cohort? I don't know that I am doing enough of anything . . . ?

One of my fellow peers today stated, "I get so caught up with what I could have done better at the end of the day, or what I didn't go well." It made me ponder, do I do enough? I'm I giving it my all. Some days I feel I do, but I don't think I do everyday. I have spent all of this time and money on school. Seven years by the time I am done. Have I gained enough to make it worth it? That I don't know. I feel that I have let myself down in some ways because I haven't given it my all or taken as much out of some of the courses or things we have done. That frustrates me though I only have myself to blame. I hope that I have the tools, skills, and recourses to be a good teacher, which I think I do. I hope I do. I guess I;ll find out next year as long as I have a job.

I think another factor is that everyone who has seen me work with students with disabilities and people I have worked with the past two years tell me I'm doing great and will be a great teacher. Has that affected how I look at things? Yes, of course it has. I'm sure their comments have boosted my confidence and maybe that is why I have not worked as hard as some others because I felt more confident in what I was doing. Ugh. Hope that doesn't bite me in the butt. I hope they are right.

November . . . already?

I can't believe it's November already. I guess it's time for an update. My endo is doing much much better. I talked to my doc and we decided to change my birth control and keep me on the continuous so I don't have a cycle anymore. I was concerned about creating more buildup but he reassured me that it shouldn't cause that much difficulty. I guess I'll find out in a year if it does. But so far so good. In fact I think the new pill is helping my nails grow! They are getting a lot longer now and I can't remember the last time they were this long.

As for teaching, I start full time this week, though that's not til Thursday because tomorrow is a work day, Tuesday is Veterans Day so no school, and Wednesday I have to go to classes. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I am really only taking on one more thing - reading. It will b a challenge I think just because I have not been consumed with reading since last year when I had the lit class. Plus there is so much they think you can fit into 40 minutes. Thank goodness there is a curriculum though. Last week I registered for the last of my teaching tests. I only spent a little over $250. That's all. That includes the ORELA, SpEd Praxis, and the last part of the CBEST I need to pass. Dumb test. Ugh . . . teaching is an expensive profession, even before the career.

Steph and I still like our place. It feels more and more like home. I still haven't quite put up all my pictures and things. I don't have as much room for them in this house as the other one, but I'll find places for them or just downsize.

Oh, one last thing, a few weekends ago I baought my plain tickets to go to Vegas to see the Humes'! I'll be there for New Years and Jack's 1st birthday! I am way way way excited!

That's all of the exciting or eventful things going on in my life as for now.