Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Reflections and Frustrations

It's the eighth week of the term. The stress is beginning to build. My worksample is due in two weeks. I have so much to do. Class today totally started stressing me out. I also started to think about my program and how it has affected me. I question whither I am taking enough from it. Have I done enough? Am I taking in the right things? Have I worked hard enough to understand the material? Do I feel prepared to be in the classroom on my own and the one in charge? Am I contributing enough in my cohort? I don't know that I am doing enough of anything . . . ?

One of my fellow peers today stated, "I get so caught up with what I could have done better at the end of the day, or what I didn't go well." It made me ponder, do I do enough? I'm I giving it my all. Some days I feel I do, but I don't think I do everyday. I have spent all of this time and money on school. Seven years by the time I am done. Have I gained enough to make it worth it? That I don't know. I feel that I have let myself down in some ways because I haven't given it my all or taken as much out of some of the courses or things we have done. That frustrates me though I only have myself to blame. I hope that I have the tools, skills, and recourses to be a good teacher, which I think I do. I hope I do. I guess I;ll find out next year as long as I have a job.

I think another factor is that everyone who has seen me work with students with disabilities and people I have worked with the past two years tell me I'm doing great and will be a great teacher. Has that affected how I look at things? Yes, of course it has. I'm sure their comments have boosted my confidence and maybe that is why I have not worked as hard as some others because I felt more confident in what I was doing. Ugh. Hope that doesn't bite me in the butt. I hope they are right.

3 comments:

Stephybubbles said...

Yes they are right! You will be a great teacher. Know that your first year will probably be hard but you will make it thought. All the things you learned or thought you didn't learn but really did will come back to you. I think at the end of the day you need to think of all the good you did and not what you could have done. I know I don't always do that but I really am trying too. Hang in there roomie! I am here for you if you need me.

Gaby said...

Hey Chica,
NO teacher program prepares you for the real world of teaching- Unfortunately. Although I learned lots of things in the ed program, it wasn't until I was actually in my own classroom that I had to apply things. I think you've gleaned a lot of stuff that will help you, but experience is what will be the big part. I think confidence is HUGE! I didn't have much of that when I started, so if you start with that- you'll be better off!!
See ya tomorrow! Hooray!

Kyle & Amy said...

Steph and Gaby are right. I was going to say what they said. Nobody can prepare you for everything, but you will do great. There will always be somebody in the school with you that can answer a question for you and you have tons of other resources. You do need to start looking back on the day with a positive attitude. Write down what you feel you did great at and then maybe look at a few things you feel you can improve on. Then take those improvements and work on them the next day. You will be a great teacher!